Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
