Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
