mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
