Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
