I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
