meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
