If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
