508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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