You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
