The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
