New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
