I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
