Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
