Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
