It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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