you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
