My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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