we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
