do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
