I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
