Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
