There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
