i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize