i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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