If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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