thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
