Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
