I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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