I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
