And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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