just come out here and I will go home with you...
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Hippo gnu deer
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Those nachos came to me in a dream
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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