Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
