I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
