Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
