This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
