We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
