wakey wakey hands off snakey
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
