I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
