I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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