How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
