By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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