i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
