There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
