omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
