I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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