Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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