You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
