then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
