Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
