hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
