whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
