Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
it hurts more in the daytime
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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