yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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