Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
