I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
