Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
