Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
