She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
