I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
