She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
