smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
