It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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