Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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