can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize