is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
