found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
