I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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