I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
