We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
