Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize