the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
