he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
