Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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