so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
