I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
