real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
